{"id":23182,"date":"2024-04-15T09:20:57","date_gmt":"2024-04-15T13:20:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sparkvisionnow.com\/?p=23182"},"modified":"2024-04-15T09:20:57","modified_gmt":"2024-04-15T13:20:57","slug":"numbing-out-to-waking-up%f0%9f%8c%9e-my-journey-with-alcohol","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sunneez.com\/sparkvision\/numbing-out-to-waking-up%f0%9f%8c%9e-my-journey-with-alcohol\/","title":{"rendered":"Numbing Out to Waking Up\ud83c\udf1e: My Journey with Alcohol"},"content":{"rendered":"

From Numbing Out to Waking Up: My Transformative Journey Overcoming Alcohol Dependence<\/h1>\n

In college and into my early 30s, I drank a lot. I would justify it in college because I played lacrosse, and heavy drinking was the culture.<\/p>\n

During the season, we\u2019d work hard all week, get to gameday, play hard, and (win or lose) have a big party afterward. During the offseason, we\u2019d party as much as possible.<\/p>\n

And by party, I mean I would get so blacked out drunk that I\u2019d fall in a ditch on the side of the road and not know where I was.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

So, why did I drink so much?<\/em><\/h5>\n

Thinking about myself back then…<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. It was the culture, and drinking was a right of passage.<\/li>\n
  2. I wanted to fit in and be cool.<\/li>\n
  3. Drinking allowed me an escape from reality and suppress my feelings and emotions.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    It\u2019s the last one I reflect on most these days. You see, I always struggled to express myself growing up. I didn\u2019t know how to talk about my struggles or how I felt.<\/p>\n

    I basically just kept a smile on my face and said that everything was good, even when deep down, I felt like a volcano was about to explode. What would I do with all the thoughts and feelings inside of me? So, that facade was all I knew to do to be a \u201cgood kid.\u201d<\/p>\n

    It was like I was having a completely different experience from the outside looking in than the inside looking out. My emotions used to yell at me, wanting to get out, but I kept them buried deep down inside. The voice in my head would get louder and louder, and I was looking for any means to quiet it down.<\/p>\n

    Enter: Alcohol.<\/h5>\n

    When I drank, I could hide seemingly more effectively from my feelings. I would drink unwanted feelings away until I didn\u2019t feel them anymore, and the voice would stop yelling at me.<\/p>\n

    I would turn numb and bury them deeper inside\u2026or so I thought\u2026<\/p>\n

    Because in the end, my bottled up emotions would always surface and eventually explode.<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

    And when they\u2019d explode, you would not want to be around me. I hurt so many people (including myself) with my drinking, and my relationships suffered\u2026<\/p>\n

    I punched holes in walls, got a DUI, fought with people, and MaryBeth even broke up with me.<\/p>\n

    Fast-forward to today, and a lot has changed. I am not that person anymore because I chose to do the work. And let me tell you\u2026 it was\u00a0a lot\u00a0<\/em>of work that took time, patience, and giving myself permission to be human.<\/p>\n

    It takes significant energy and intention to reprogram yourself and realize there is another way to live life instead of being stuck in the same cycle.<\/p>\n

    A life that excites you to be you, to feel free to express yourself fully and know who you are, and not one that has you just yearning for the next drink to escape to another reality.<\/p>\n

    I am still learning and unlearning on my journey.<\/p>\n

    But one thing is clear: I can never go back. Once I realized that, I knew I would never be drunkenly sleepwalking through life again.<\/h5>\n

    <\/p>\n

    Being that it is Alcohol Awareness Month, I felt compelled to share my journey with you. Now, you may not have alcohol issues, but maybe there is something else you\u2019re doing to numb that you\u2019d want to release.<\/p>\n

    Here is how I went from numbing out to waking up<\/strong>\ud83c\udf1e:<\/h4>\n