{"id":23195,"date":"2024-04-22T13:19:49","date_gmt":"2024-04-22T17:19:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sparkvisionnow.com\/?p=23195"},"modified":"2024-04-22T13:19:49","modified_gmt":"2024-04-22T17:19:49","slug":"4-reasons-you-dont-set-boundaries-how-to-fix-it-%f0%9f%9b%91","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sunneez.com\/sparkvision\/4-reasons-you-dont-set-boundaries-how-to-fix-it-%f0%9f%9b%91\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Reasons You Don\u2019t Set Boundaries + How to Fix It \ud83d\uded1"},"content":{"rendered":"<h1>4 Common Reasons You Struggle with Setting Boundaries and How to Overcome Them<\/h1>\n<p>Boundaries create freedom.<\/p>\n<p>\u2b06\ufe0fThat may sound counterintuitive, but stick with me here\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Boundaries allow you and others to know what\u2019s okay and what is not.<\/p>\n<p>When crossed, even the smallest boundary can have major consequences for both you and the violator.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019re that invisible internal line that can trigger whether or not you feel safe, loved, or respected.<\/p>\n<h3>In the words of Prentis Hemphill, <strong>boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/ci3.googleusercontent.com\/meips\/ADKq_NaGNdLtyscj6yjtFzETWGC35WDsGfDoOBCRS0DYXfcF72r7JE2B9MpGf5GR3BySQ_jG8LX2innHdzR0Z9_OT0Ht6gzIO05UyV8bLtloMsSFySe9DNzVCqUc2emz3hmjXR8_8giO8cV1CUDkkXR7PAMMKk0U2ObyPlE=s0-d-e1-ft#https:\/\/mcusercontent.com\/5d0a4840c5dd6be7963fa35c3\/images\/3322e1d5-5abf-18d1-04dc-fce9f2ff3c31.gif\" alt=\"Celebrity gif. Tyra Banks looks towards us with focused eyes and pursed lips. She a raises a mic and then drops it, throwing her hands up like, &quot;What?&quot;\" \/><\/p>\n<p>In everyday life, you often have limits for things like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>how late you allow your kids to stay up at night<\/li>\n<li>how much money you can spend on a wedding gift<\/li>\n<li>the amount of time you\u2019re willing to sit on the phone with a friend complaining about their job for the 100th time.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>While those may feel apparent, there are so many more boundaries you don\u2019t set, or likely even acknowledge, that are being violated because you simply don\u2019t know how.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>Here are 4\ufe0f\u20e3 of the most common reasons why you don\u2019t set boundaries and how you can fix it <\/strong>so you can create freedom instead of staying stuck in a boundary-less hell:<\/h4>\n<ol>\n<li>\n<h4>\ud83d\ude28 You\u2019re afraid of disappointing someone.<\/h4>\n<p>This is probably the most common form of guilt. Someone asks you for something, like taking on an extra project at work, and even though you know it means you won\u2019t be able to fully enjoy that vacation you\u2019d been craving, you simply say \u201cyes\u201d because you don\u2019t want to disappoint that person who came to you to solve their problem.<\/p>\n<p>\u2764\ufe0f\u200d\ud83e\ude79How to fix it? \ud83c\udfaf Set expectations to determine how\/if you can take on any part of it while also maintaining your limits.<\/p>\n<p>For this example, you could say something like, \u201cThanks for thinking of me on this project. I have a vacation next week, so is it possible to start once I return? If not, which of my priorities might we pause or remove to adjust accordingly?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You may actually find out that it can wait until you return! But if you don\u2019t speak up and state your limitations, how can you ever expect the other side to know?<\/li>\n<li>\n<h4>\u2622\ufe0f You want to avoid conflict.<\/h4>\n<p>It feels easier not to say anything than to get into the whole ordeal of explaining yourself. This one is especially true in family dynamics. Like, how many times can you be expected to bake your famous pies for 100 people at the annual family reunion, even if you don\u2019t have the time or energy to make them? Especially when people are constantly talking about them and telling you how disappointed they are if you don\u2019t have them ready for the taking.\u2764\ufe0f\u200d\ud83e\ude79How to fix it? \ud83e\udd67 Take responsibility for your needs. Realize that it is your top responsibility to take care of yourself &#8211; no one else\u2019s. Have alternative plans so that your needs aren\u2019t always dependent on others.<\/p>\n<p>For this example, you might email or text the relatives who are most vocal about their disappointment and provide them with your recipes! That might sound like, \u201cI know how much you love my pies each year, so I wanted to send you the recipe. I don\u2019t have the capacity to bring them this year, and I didn\u2019t want you to be left out. So feel free to use the recipe if you want.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Who knows, perhaps this is the best way for you to carry on a tradition without taking on the heavy lift!<\/li>\n<li>\n<h4>\ud83e\udd10 You don\u2019t want to seem selfish.<\/h4>\n<p>Boundaries are literally a form of self-care. Sadly, people often think that taking care of themselves is selfish, even though it\u2019s critical to our well-being and ability to help others.\u2764\ufe0f\u200d\ud83e\ude79How to fix it? \ud83d\ude4f Ask without apology. Instead of feeling sorry for putting yourself first, be willing to let go of old beliefs that don\u2019t serve you anymore and ask for change without feeling the need to make excuses.<\/p>\n<p>That might sound like, \u201cHey, are you able to figure out dinner for everyone tonight? I don\u2019t have capacity anymore.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\n<h4>\ud83e\udd37You don\u2019t know how.<\/h4>\n<p>You\u2019ve literally done everything anyone has ever asked of you your entire life, so you have no idea how to say no.\u2764\ufe0f\u200d\ud83e\ude79How to fix it? \ud83d\udce9 Have go-to responses. Like, \u201cThank you for the invitation. Unfortunately, I have another commitment at that time.\u201d And that \u2018other commitment\u2019 can be to yourself, sitting on your couch watching TV if that\u2019s what you need at that time.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019d be surprised how well that works without having to make up a whole story about it.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>What you likely don\u2019t realize is that whenever you don\u2019t set a boundary and then feel like shit as a result, you\u2019re choosing to continue that cycle in your life.<\/p>\n<p>When you decide to honor your values and set boundaries with people and experiences that violate them, you truly own your power.<\/p>\n<p>Are you ready to experience a whole new level of freedom? Start setting boundaries.<\/p>\n<p>Need support? This is our \u23f0<strong>LAST CALL<\/strong>\u23f0for our Spring Course Offer to <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/sparkvisionnow.com\/knowing-and-living-your-values\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Know &amp; Live Your Values<\/a> for just $26<\/strong>. Check out the details below.<\/p>\n<p>Or, if you&#8217;d like to explore what it might look like to have me as your coach \ud83d\udc8c <a href=\"mailto:marybeth@sparkvisionnow.com\">email me<\/a> with \u201cBoundaries,\u201d and we can start a no-obligations conversation to see what a first step might look like for you.<\/p>\n<p>Either way, know I&#8217;m cheering you on.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>\ud83c\udf31Ready to set healthy boundaries to protect your energy? Our special Spring Offer gives you a step-by-step guide to knowing and living your values so you can be more intentional with your boundaries. \ud83e\udebb<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>\ud83d\uddb1\ufe0f<strong>Knowing and Living Your Values<\/strong>: During my <strong>10-day online course<\/strong>, you\u2019ll identify your unique values, see where you\u2019re currently activating them, and make small tweaks where you\u2019re not so that every day is filled with purpose. <a href=\"https:\/\/valuescourse.com\/\">Join 7,500+ Students<\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u23f0<strong>LAST CALL<\/strong> \u23f0<br \/>\nNormally $97 \ud83c\udf1e<strong>Today 73% OFF ONLY $26<\/strong> \ud83c\udf1e<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/valuescourse.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Buy Now<\/a> and Use Coupon Code: <strong>SPRING<\/strong> at checkout<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>4 Common Reasons You Struggle with Setting Boundaries and How to Overcome Them Boundaries create freedom. \u2b06\ufe0fThat may sound counterintuitive, but stick with me here\u2026 Boundaries allow you and others to know what\u2019s okay and what is not. When crossed, even the smallest boundary can have major consequences for both you and the violator. They\u2019re [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":23197,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[38,18,23,10,13,35,21,22],"tags":[43,37,17,24,4,25,27,44],"class_list":["post-23195","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-consciousness","category-emotional-intelligence","category-empowerment","category-experience","category-leadership","category-mindfulness","category-reflection","category-values","tag-abundance","tag-consciousness","tag-emotional-intelligence","tag-empowerment","tag-leadership","tag-reflection","tag-values","tag-wisdom"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>4 Reasons You Don\u2019t Set Boundaries + How to Fix It \ud83d\uded1 - Sparkvision<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Discover how setting boundaries empowers you. 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