How conscious leaders build self-awareness

Most of us need to take a deep look in the mirror to see where we can improve ourselves before we have the integrity to ask others to improve themselves. This idea translates and flows into all aspects of our lives. Think about it. Someone who can’t give constructive feedback to their team members is likely also unable to tell their best friend what would improve their relationship. Someone who can’t figure out how to (or doesn’t care to) empower their people at work is likely not crushing the empowerment train with their kids’ chores. It’s not impossible, but it’s highly unlikely. And the biggest shame of all is that very few of us are ever taught these skills, especially from a place where the teacher holds us lovingly accountable and helps us back up when we fall flat on our faces.

Difficult conversations are just that—difficult. One go at them is not enough to build that muscle. It takes trying over and over and over again until you gain the confidence, skills, and wisdom to get it. The only real teacher is life itself. And we can only do the deep, transformative work when it’s happening.

How many people wind up getting divorced because it seems easier than talking about and exploring the issues between them? How many people ghost out on a job because they’d rather burn a bridge than have a confrontation about leaving? How many people suffer silently as a victim of their surroundings instead of making the choice to change the view?

We like to pretend that there’s a line between work and life(the whole balance thing), but it’s really just life. And when we can focus in on and build these human skills, our lives overall are immeasurably better—plain and simple.

So let’s choose to fix the floor instead of bending over. When we speak up about it, it shows other people that they can too. It’s miraculous what permission we give to others when we’re true to ourselves.

The work of creating a thriving workplace culture, and therefore a business, is not for people looking for a quick fix or who believe that this is a one-and-done approach. Culture exists every day, whether you’re intentional about it or not.

If you want to get in better physical health, you can sign up for the quick weight loss infomercial plan and bounce back to your old habits as soon as the New Year’s guilt passes. Or you can really look at your lifestyle and see where you’re able to make small, intentional shifts to create a state of general well-being. Eating salad for a week, taking one vitamin, stretching one afternoon, or lifting weights for one hour is not going to change your overall physical state. You have to do those things consistently forever. There is no shortcut for sustainable change. And the same goes for culture. One powerful retreat, one afternoon of deep conversations, or one well-known motivational speaker is just a quick hit of possibility, not a sustainable approach to each day.

We must be intentional about knowing the balance of our trust banks with one another at work—by holding honest, psychologically safe, and vulnerable conversations. To do that, we must make a commitment to developing our emotional intelligence skills and truly caring about those soft skills just as much (if not more) than the hard skills. No matter what generation you’re a part of, people will appreciate your effort and attention to your personal embodiment of your inner work and the values associated with it. You must start within yourself if you want others to follow. Once you do, you are giving others permission to be the same. There’s no shortcut for this work, but there is a path I will lead you on, and we will take it one step at a time, without judgment of pace.

If this resonates with you, check out MaryBeth’s new company culture book: Permission to Be Human: The Conscious Leader’s Guide to Creating a Values-Driven Culture.

This book is NOT for those who are:
> looking for a silver bullet to solve other people’s problems;
> not invested in their people and themselves; or
> hoping someone else can fix their culture for them.

This book is for those who are:
> willing to start the deep work with themselves before they project onto others;
> deeply invested in their people and themselves; and
> interested in learning through the discomfort of growth.