Essential Life Lessons for Graduates: What I Wish Someone Had Told Me

Last night was a super proud mama bear, a warm-fuzzy milestone in the life of one of the most special people in my tribe. Morgan graduated high school. For those who don’t know me personally, Morgan is so many things to me. She’s my little sister, mentee, friend, and former foster daughter. I met her as an after-school teacher; she was a 9-year-old middle school student. We had an undeniably special connection. We just clicked – we were drawn to each other like kindred spirits.

We’d both experienced many of the same things, even though it wasn’t obvious from the outside. So we went in as a match as sisters through the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. I then became her academic guardian, and ultimately, my husband and I were her foster parents while we worked hard to get her where she was always meant to be, with her sister in PA. I could write a book about all the life experiences, challenges, acts of love, and times of great sorrow that we’ve been through together. But that’s not what this post is about.

This post is about what happened in her High School gymnasium last night: her graduation.

I sat like a proud peacock in a cold metal folding chair, listening to speaker after speaker talk about seizing the day, owning their future, and finding their passion. As I sat there, I thought, “What did they tell me when I was a millennial graduate? Anything that I could actually sink my teeth into? Any advice I actually followed?” 

So I got to thinking, 15 years ago (oy! I can’t believe Morgan and I are actually in the same generation), what do I WISH someone had told me as I headed out into my “adult” life journey? And here’s what I came up with as advice for graduates:

 1. Advice for Graduates: Relationships are everything.

Social Capital has gotten me further in life than anything else. For those unfamiliar with the term, it is “the networks of relationships among people who live and work in a particular society, enabling that society to function effectively.” When I break that down into real person language, I think of things like: my reputation, the depth of my relationships, and how willing those relationships are to support one another.

That old adage about, “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” is about 75% true. You can be the smartest person in the whole room, but if you can’t connect your message to the people who need to hear it, you’ve got nothing. If a young graduate is looking to start to build their social capital, I’d recommend they start by doing informational interviews with people they admire.  Ask for a warm introduction from a family member or friend to have an informal coffee meeting to simply hear someone’s story, really listen, and take their advice. That’s not something most young people are doing, so you automatically leave an impression. Don’t forget to follow up with a thank-you note and stay in touch over time.

2. Advice for Graduates: Owning Your Gifts = Unleashing your Power.

Instead of focusing solely on your course work (which is important, I’m not denying that one bit), spend quality time reflecting on what unique gifts already exists within you and how you can harness them to separate yourself amongst a crowd. What parts of your personality make you unique? What’s something you gained a deep knowledge of through life experience? Have you ever had someone tell you that you’ve inspired them, even if you were just doing something you considered “normal”? Check out my full post on Owning your Gifts here.

When you’re able to show up as your authentic self every day, you are activating your superpowers and owning your gifts. You’ll live a more rewarding life by identifying your unique blend of motivation hard and soft skill that will help you reach the peak of whatever you define as success.

3. Advice for Graduates: Transferable skills are everywhere.

When you take on a new job, say at the college bookstore or mall, take it as seriously as if it were your one opportunity to discover your skills and prove your value.  There is literally no job in the world that doesn’t have transferable skills that can serve you wherever you end up in life – you just have to have your mind open to them.

For example, one of the best and hardest jobs I ever had in life was being a server at a new restaurant near my college. The best life training was the face-to-face interactions with each and every table. Learning what makes customers happy, how to engage them in playful banter, understand their personal preferences and maybe even get to the point where they request to sit in your section on their next visit. The reality was, the better you served them, the higher your tip (like 98% of the time at least).  These people skills were 100% transferrable to becoming a successful fundraiser 5 years later. I knew how to handle grumpy people, to those who talked your ear off, to fancy high-class people to those who saved their money for a month to be able to have that special dinner. It was priceless. 

In summary, don’t look at a job as just checking the boxes, going through the motions. Spend the time thinking through on how the skills you’re currently developing will ultimately help you with the long-term career you aspire to have. 

With that, I ask that as the millennial graduates in your life walk across the stage in these coming weeks, skip the jargon. Share some practical advice that you wish you had received when you were in their shoes. What would you say?