Are You a Workaholic? How Work Addiction Sneaks Up and Destroys Your Life
I was wondering, am I a workaholic? Then, I was clinically diagnosed with a work addiction.
You might think: Work addiction? Who the heck comes up with these things? Sure, I’m addicted to paying my bills, buying groceries and getting promoted. Is “work addiction” the latest participation trophy for what it means to just do your job?
No – this is a real thing!
Here’s the deal…
By definition, an addiction is when you have compulsive behaviors that you cannot control despite harmful consequences.
In an environment that applauds a 24/7 relationship with work, a work addiction fuels you to accomplish a LOT — aaaannnnddd you’re rewarded for it.
That’s NOT how it works if you’re an alcoholic. The more you drink, the more rewards you do not get at work. In fact, you’d even run the risk of being reported, written up, or fired if you were caught drinking on the job.
Well, not the case with that trusty workaholism breeding within a culture of fear!
If someone caught me working through lunch or staying late, they’d praise me for my commitment and ask for tips on how to up their game.
Can you imagine an alcoholic being praised for the latest shot they took at work?
Of course, you can’t! And that’s how ass-backward this is.
We’ve just been brainwashed to think otherwise.
You see, there’s this constant dopamine reward loop.
The more you work the more important you feel. And the more important you feel the more badass you think you are. The more badass you think you are, the more you ignore, justify, or tolerate the harmful work conditions. Because you can take it…you’re a badass after all aren’t you?
Early in my career, I had achieved global recognition for my record-breaking work. It made me look like a picturesque superstar on the outside but inside… I was dying.
My work addiction was a straight-up injection of ego-boosting fuel to keep me chugging along in my high-achieving, self-loathing, record-breaking, sleep-deprived, highly praised, soul-crushing cycle with full justification. My stack of awards told me, ‘The hustle was worth the recognition.”
Until it wasn’t.
My stress and anxiety were at an all-time peak.
My fingernails were constantly bloody and throbbing from biting and ripping them off. I was self-harming to self-soothe. I’d forget to eat. I’d even use going to the bathroom as a reward break from checking off a certain number of items from my to-do list.
I mean risking a bladder infection for the sake of more accomplishments…What the….?
I lost control of my ability to consciously choose whether or not I was working. And since I was inside a toxic organization this level of production became expected from me. It didn’t feel like I had a choice if I wanted to be a success.
I deprioritized fun, friends, and family because there wasn’t enough time for it.
I was in a constant state of burnout from being busy. Rushing from meeting-to-meeting, call to call, task-to-task all while trying the latest habit hack to cram MORE into my “ultimate day of productivity”.
As the week unfolded, I was more and more underwater, drowning from my feelings of not-enoughness. And since this was “normal behavior” for our workplace culture, we all seemed to be cool with just drowning together.
Even with all the aches, pains and warning signs my mind and body gave me, I was so obsessed with my success that I’d miss out on significant milestone moments.
Like justifying missing my cherished uncle’s funeral because it was “busy season”, and I would let my team down if I had taken time away.
I only had permission to be perfect and had no idea what it meant to have permission to be human.
And after years of that engrained behavior, one morning it all changed.
My husband, James, woke up, rolled over and there was a woman in bed next to him.
Startled, he said, “Who are you and what have you done with my wife?” Then he said, “I’m really just so happy to see you.”
The woman was me. And I was confused.
What did he mean, “Happy to see you!?” I SEE him all the time!
But really, I didn’t see him.
I was so busy with work I rarely saw him, even when I was at home.
It was his words that made me finally realize I had a problem and no idea how to solve it.
That was the turning point for going from being a work addict to a work-life advocate.
What I know for sure is that I was never drained from doing too much. It was always from doing too little of what aligned with my values.
And it’s the same for you too.
When your values are in action, energy is surging inside you. And when your values are being violated, energy is sucked right out of you.
12 years after my original diagnosis, I now coach fellow high-achievers to gain more freedom, flow, and well-being, without compromising their impact.
It’s humbling to guide others to meet themselves where they are and take baby steps to a new possibility with their relationship to work and how they define their values-driven success.
So at this point, you may be wondering…. Do I have an unhealthy relationship with work too?
Here are ten questions to ask yourself to get a pulse on where you stand if you are wondering, am I a workaholic:
- Are you putting in long hours at work, even if they’re not required?
- Do you lose sleep over work?
- Are you obsessed with work-related success?
- Have you neglected or lost personal relationships because of work?
- Do you judge others who don’t work as hard as you do?
- Do you always feel like you’re busy or in a hurry?
- Do you become stressed or panicked if you’re unable to get work done?
- Do you have a defensive attitude when people suggest there’s more to life than work?
- Do you lower the importance of friends, fun, family, or fitness for more work time?
- Do you avoid taking vacation or sick leave because of your workload?
So tell me, how many did you say “yes” to? I’m open-heartedly curious.
If you reply to this email and let me know which questions you said “yes” to, I’ll curate more content to address those pain points in future newsletters.
No judgment. Just understanding.
In the meantime, consider how you might ignite more self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-care by giving yourself more permission to be human.
Zoom out to the bigger picture to envision what’s possible when your mind, body, and spirit are grounded in your values and not someone else’s.
As always, I’m here to support you in your journey to alignment.