Help shift your company culture by listening and taking action.

The way your company hires and fires people is a true reflection of your culture. There are places that have no issue letting people go at the drop of a hat to cut costs, and there are places that do everything they can to coach and support people before they gracefully direct them to another organization that may be a better fit for their skills. Those are the two ends of the spectrum, and there’s a ton in between when someone leaves the company.

Whenever possible, you want to ensure that the way you terminate a person reflects your values. 

And that you take the time to get legitimate feedback through their unique lens before that person leaves the company.

I was once in an exit interview where the HR manager kept asking me if I would take her. Every time she asked a question off her list, she started to vent about her own issues with the organization. It was nuts! And at the same time, it was a straight-up reflection of the culture. Which was infested with gossip, and that’s exactly what I had experienced. Precisely for that reason. I didn’t give the full feedback that I had inside me because it felt unsafe to do so. Instead, I asked the head of HR to lunch with me weeks afterward, and she graciously accepted. I ultimately learned that my feedback made no difference after I shared it. But it was what I needed to do to feel whole in my transition.

Can you imagine how quickly and precisely you could shift your culture if, when people left, they spoke the truth about what happened—and then the organization did something with it?

I wish that were the norm, but shockingly, it’s far from it. Especially if you’re losing a culture keeper. This is a key moment to get insight into how you can create a culture that’s in better alignment with your values.

There are obviously times when you need to get someone out of their role and out of the company with urgency. In those cases, it’s more important to protect the well-being of your current employees than to do your best to ensure that you support their transition plans. I’ve worked with companies where people were downright emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive to their team members, and they needed to be ushered out of the office by security. That was the best option. But, hopefully, you’re doing your greatest to create a culture where it never gets to that extreme. Where people are picking up on the signs that something is off and it’s discussed and mediated before an explosion of mass scale occurs.

This is yet another opportunity to exercise empathy with boundaries.

This concept is one that rocked my world when I learned it from Brené Brown because I was sure that boundaries were separate from empathy. When we let people do things that are not OK with us. They are crossing our boundaries whether they (or we) realize it or not. We cannot feel with someone (empathy) if they are breaking our boundaries. If and when you get to where someone needs to move on from your company, boundaries must be in place first. What’s OK and what’s not OK? Make those expectations clear. From there you can lead with empathy for their circumstances and take grounded, conscious action.

Try these concepts out to get your process even more solidified as a reflection of your values.

• Avoid surprises. I get that these are ideal situations, not what necessarily happens in real life. Having said that, I recommend you do your best to be sure that a termination is not coming out of nowhere. Whether the decision is due to downsizing or a behavioral issue. Make people aware of the possibility before they are told they are no longer employed with you. When appropriate, put someone on a performance improvement plan and provide coaching to give them a chance at changing. At the same time, it’s never a good idea to let culture killers run rampant. You must be willing to terminate someone who violates your core values, and they should be made aware of the relevant incidents as soon as possible.
• Take action in person, in private. In the remote-work world we live in now, you may not be able to take these actions in person. At least create a virtual video connection so that you are face-to-face with the person being terminated. It can feel inhumane to be terminated in a public setting and not to have the decency to look someone in the eye when you do it.

I came across Christine Porath’s book Mastering Civility while feeling trapped in a company that treated people uncivilly.

As a business school professor, she offers original and humane insight about dealing with interpersonal workplace issues. When I was looking for guidance, answers, or data that would help me be more effective in my role. Her book was eye-opening. In chapter after chapter, I gained more and more insights about what was commonplace and what I could do about it. I remembered when she shared a story about a team that was fired over email:

How would you feel if you received the following email?

The workforce reduction notification is currently in progress. Unfortunately, your position is one that has been eliminated. That’s how four hundred RadioShack employees found out that they had lost their job. Wholly uncivil. But, sadly not as rare as it should be. All too often we turn instinctively to email when we’re dealing with difficult situations that need to be addressed face-to-face, or at least over the phone. The number one act for which people fault themselves in the civility quiz is using email when face-to-face communication is needed. Sensitive issues, conflict situations, and performance reviews all call for an actual, physical presence. A good rule of thumb:

If you’re wondering whether you should send that email, stop. Don’t send it. Pick up the phone or meet face-to-face.

• Provide honest feedback. If someone is being terminated as a result of unmet expectations, it’s helpful to provide them with meaningful feedback. You must use your discretion to determine whether that person is open to receiving your feedback. But it’s a gift to provide the feedback if it’s done with empathy and care for their future. This might be the only time this person can get honest tips, tools, and coaching on how they might be more successful in their next endeavor or what types of roles might be a better fit for their skills and interests.
• Ask values-aligned exit interview questions. Just like the hiring process, this is another key time to ask people about how they experienced the company’s values while they were employed with you. This can be through a formal survey and/or an open conversation. Employees on their way out are likely to speak more openly about their experiences. But again, without psychological safety, they will not.

Consider any of these questions for your exit interview tool kit:

– Where are we most successful with living our values?

– Where do we have the greatest opportunity for growth in living our values?

– If you had a magic wand (no restrictions on your desire), what’s one thing you’d change about our culture immediately?

– What was your high point in this role?

– What was your low point?

– How might we be more effective in creating a culture that reflects our core values?

• Be supportive of their next steps. When someone is leaving on good (or even relatively good) terms, it makes a big difference for them to be supported as a potential reference or referral for your company. Although it may be difficult to see a good person leave. Imagine what might be possible if they leave in such great standing that they wind up referring you new business, being an advocate for your services, or even coming back one day when they realize how much they truly loved working with you. Trust me, you want people raving about their time working with you.  Not venting about how awful it was when they quit.

I once had a client whose boss threw a stapler at her and ripped her resignation letter in half when she resigned.

She was a top performer, and the boss was not expecting her to take another offer because they had such a close relationship. You better believe that after that stapler went through the air (and thankfully missed her). She immediately knew that she had made the right decision and had a big story to share with people when they asked about her time there.

• Host a transition/farewell celebration. Whether they’re leaving the organization completely or transitioning to another team within your company, consider how you might honor and celebrate this person within your team. A special lunch, a card, or even a small gathering is a great way to support people in processing their grief and having some closure around the transition. Keep in mind that the team members of the person leaving will also be going through their own grief cycles.

To make this a meaningful gathering, instead of an obligatory event, consider storytelling as its heart.

Invite people to go around in a circle and share their favorite memories with that person. Perhaps even stories of how they lived out the core values. When it’s complete, invite the person who is leaving to say a few words. 

This format, when facilitated authentically, is tried and true for our human experience. We crave closure and the opportunity to make peace with change. Recognize that it’s not only nice for the person leaving but also for everyone who was impacted by that person’s presence.

• Give permission to be human. Especially if they were not expecting the termination, a person will likely go through the stages of grief amid this process. Be prepared to support someone through that journey.ven with a resource guide with the number of a hotline that is better suited to give that guidance. Getting your organization’s operations, systems, strategies, and financials in alignment with your values is a worthy and meaningful task that is likely easier than you think. My hope is that you will start with one of these categories and intentionally work your way through them.  Taking into account your own values lens. These might not all make sense for your organization right now, and that’s OK. Meet yourself where you are, and create a plan of action for when you’ll spend time combing through these categories and making internal changes. Using the model of a strategic plan, perhaps you want to solely focus on a values alignment strategic plan?

You get to decide what makes the most sense for you and your team.

But please, whatever you decide, follow through! There’s nothing worse than getting your people excited about meaningful change and then having them lose faith because leadership wasn’t really in it for the long run. This is the kind of work that you’re going to wish you had done sooner. Kind of like how I wish I’d started meditating at a younger age. My life is simply and completely better now that it’s a part of my daily practice and norms. And that’s what a values-aligned culture does. It creates simplicity, habits, and routines that serve you instead of holding you back from the joy of a thriving business.

Even in “technical” aspects of your business such as budgeting, performance reviews, and onboarding and termination processes. You have myriad chances to structurally incorporate your core values. Do the systems and processes that define the operation of your organization?  From interviews to scheduling to employee handbook drafting—enforce your value promises at every step? Or do they feel static and isolated from your values work? The actualization of values is not only about the soft skills that constitute culture but also about the nitty-gritty of strategies and operations, the daily procedures that add up. Now that you understand how your organization can take responsibility for owning and living the values within its culture each day. Let’s look at how every member of your organization can embrace the role of culture keeper.

Curious to learn more about when someone leaves the company?

This was an excerpt from MaryBeth’s book – Permission to Be Human: The Conscious Leaders Guide to Creating a Values-Driven Culture. 

Learn more from this conscious leadership book.