How to Recognize and Release Holiday Judgment for Greater Peace and Connection
When you left your Thanksgiving or family celebration, did the car ride sound something like this…
“I wished my mashed potatoes turned out better,” or “Uncle Steve’s turkey was great”, or “Cousin’s Bills stuffing could have used a little more salt.”
“Why did I say that thing to Grandma and get her all riled up?” or “Can you believe what Uncle Frank said?” or “Can you believe what Michelle was wearing?”
If you had some version of this, you were not alone. Humans love to judge everything, and family gatherings often make your inner judge very active. It’s like an uninvited guest who always shows up for the holidays. So, I want to share how to stop judging people with you.
But here’s the thing: Judgment isn’t just about others. It starts with you.
When I first started my apprenticeship with my mentor, don Jose Ruiz, the son of don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, the first practice we explored was The Judge. The exercise was deceptively simple: write down every judgment you have about yourself, others, or your circumstances.
I thought, “This will be easy. I’m not that judgmental.” Spoiler alert: I was wrong. I had so many judgments.
As I began tracking my judgments, I noticed patterns. Most of my harshest judgments were aimed at myself, not others. I judged how I looked, how much I accomplished, what I ate, and even how much I slept. The list was endless.
And here’s what surprised me most: The judgments I had about others were often reflections of the judgments I had about myself. When someone did something that annoyed me, it usually pointed to something within me that I didn’t like. It was quite the mirror.
For example, I was annoyed with a friend who was constantly late. The judgment sounded like, “Why can’t they manage their time better?” But when I dug deeper, I realized I was programmed that on-time was late and early was on-time. Whenever I wasn’t “early,” I would judge the shit out of myself because I didn’t want to be “punished” for being late and I realized I was doing that to others too. Because I had no idea what was making them “late.”
In fact, one of my team members constantly showed up late. They would tell me they would be late, but it was getting to a point where I thought I had to say something. Fortunately, MaryBeth suggested I ask if everything was okay before telling them they were “unreliable” and not a “team player.”
And I am so grateful that I asked because I found out they were caring for their mom, who had early-onset dementia. And they were late that very morning because they couldn’t find their cat, which their mom had put in the freezer. (Thankfully, still very alive, just very cold.) So they were doing their best to care for them while also getting to work “on time.”
Wow, I’m so grateful MaryBeth taught me that curiosity is the cure to all frustrations, especially the ones created by your judge!
Can you imagine getting upset with someone over being a little bit late and then finding out it was because they needed a couple of extra minutes to care for a loved one?
Yeah, I would have felt like a big asshole. That is what your Judge can do to you and why I want to share how to stop judging people with you.
❄️ Why Judgment Becomes So Loud During the Holidays
The holidays are a time of joy and connection—but they’re also a perfect storm for judgment to run wild. Why?
📊 The Numbers Tell the Story: Studies show that over 88% of Americans feel stressed during the holidays, with financial pressures, time demands, heightened expectations, cultural conditioning, and family tension leading the list. This stress often triggers heightened judgment as a way to manage (or mismanage) those feelings.
The holidays are also deeply emotional. For many, they bring up feelings of nostalgia, loss, or loneliness, making it harder to stay centered. When emotions run high, so does the tendency to judge.
Recognizing these triggers can help you pause before falling into old judgment patterns. Instead of letting the season’s pressures overwhelm you, take a breath and remind yourself that holidays are not about perfection but presence, connection, and love.
🔎 How to Recognize When Judgment Shows Up and How to Stop Judging People (including yourself)
Recognizing judgment when it creeps into your thoughts is the first step toward releasing it. Judgment often masquerades as logical reasoning or self-protection, but it can leave you feeling drained, disconnected, or stuck. Here’s how to spot it:
1️⃣ Self-Criticism: Judgment often starts within. Do you catch yourself saying things like, “Why did I do that?” or “I’ll never be good enough”? These thoughts are classic signs that your inner critic is at work, and it’s worth asking yourself: Is this thought helping or hurting me? What am I truly feeling beneath this judgment?
2️⃣ Negative Commentary About Others: Do you mentally critique someone’s behavior, appearance, or choices? “Can you believe they wore that?” or “Why didn’t they help more?” or Why didn’t they do this?” or “They always ruin everything!” These thoughts often reflect unmet expectations or unresolved feelings within yourself. Ask yourself, is this about the other person, or is it reflecting something I’m unhappy about in myself?
3️⃣ Comparison: Social media and holiday gatherings are ripe for comparison traps. If you notice yourself thinking, “Their decorations look better,” or “They’ve got it all figured out,” pause and reflect: Is this comparison serving me?
🌱 Research Says: Studies show that cultivating awareness of judgment through mindfulness can decrease stress levels by up to 35%. When you recognize judgment as it happens, you create a space to respond differently—choosing curiosity, compassion, or simply letting go.
The more you practice identifying these cues, the more empowered you will be to interrupt the cycle of judgment before it takes hold. Over time, this awareness will become second nature, leaving more room for understanding, connection, and peace.
🌟 A Final Thought
Judgment is a natural part of being human. But when you become aware of it, you reclaim your power to choose how you respond. Imagine leaving your next family gathering with a full heart instead of a list of grievances. That’s the freedom that comes from releasing judgment.
P.S.
If the “judge” inside you has been working overtime—whether judging yourself or others—this is your opportunity to shift into freedom and alignment and learn how to stop judging people. Our 🤍 White Light Special is here to help you release judgment and ignite compassion this holiday season. For just $24, you’ll receive:
💖 Knowing and Living Your Values Course: A 10-day journey to uncover your core values, helping you release self-criticism and live with intention.
❄️ Holiday Boundaries Bootcamp: A 5-day experience to set values-driven boundaries, so you can honor your authentic self and protect your peace during the holidays.
📙 Permission to Be Human (Audio & e-book): A compassionate guide to letting go of judgment and embracing your perfectly imperfect self.
✨ Give yourself the gift of letting go this holiday season. Step into 2025 free from judgment and fully aligned with your values.