Embracing Servant Leadership: It’s Not About Me – Insights from Sue Elias

Sue Elias is EVP of Parks & People Foundation in Baltimore, MD and has 25 years working in the nonprofit sector as a leader, executive, and volunteer. Reflecting on the experiences and events throughout her career, she witnessed great leadership despite limited resources or adverse circumstances – and thus, her blog content was born. Sue, a Buffalo native who knows that chicken wings should only be served with blue cheese dressing (never ranch), lives in Baltimore with her husband and 3 children. She believes that being a mother of teenagers is her greatest leadership challenge to date.

My first job out of graduate school was community organizing with churches in a small East Coast city. I was the youngest person in my office…by two decades. Frequently, I was also the only woman in the room.

I was an outsider, and as such, it was easy to pinpoint the flaws of the people in charge. Most meetings I attended ended up turning into gripe-fests about the hardships faced by the leaders of the faith, communities who felt that their work was thankless and often in vain. I became annoyed by the self-pity and navel-gazing. I often said I should wear a button that read, “It’s not about you!”

Just recently, I found myself in a situation where I needed that button for myself. I was invited by Loyola University of Maryland to participate in Undoing Racism®, the signature workshop of the People’s Institute for Survival and Beyond.

Through dialogue, reflection, role-playing and presentations, this intensive process challenged participants to analyze the structures of power and privilege that hinder social equity and prepare them to be effective organizers for justice.

The workshop took place over three days and was incredibly intense. As a person who benefits from white privilege, my initial reaction to the discussion and presentations was defensiveness and guilt. I had to work hard to remind myself that a workshop on racism wasn’t about how I felt. It could certainly change how I think, feel and act, but in the end, the workshop was about the impact racism has on people of color and the obligation of everyone to change the structures of power and privilege that promote racism.

How do I know when I am falling into the trap of making it all about me as a leader and not about the team and what we are trying to achieve together? Here are some warning signs that I have identified:

• I am focused on my role as the leader and the recognition that I will receive instead of outcomes.
• I think I am the hardest working person, making the greatest sacrifices, while judging everyone else’s effort as less than mine.
• I stop asking questions or being open to feedback instead of genuinely asking for help or input from others.
• I fall into self-pity instead of being self-reflective.

Simon Sinek, author of Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t says “the true price of leadership is the willingness to place the needs of others above your own. Great leaders truly care about those they are privileged to lead and understand that the true cost of the leadership privilege comes at the expense of self-interest.”

When I was just starting out in the professional world, it was easy to point fingers at people in leadership positions who ended up making it all about them. Twenty-five years later, I realize it is natural and easy to fall into this trap. It takes discipline and self-reflection to be a true servant leader who knows, “It’s not about me.”