Transform Your Energy: The energy you get is the energy you give.

I wake up still fuming. It was bugging me all night. Seeping in and out of my thoughts as I drifted in and out of sleep. And I thought…I don’t have the energy for you today.

But, I still grab my phone and start to write a text. This has to happen NOW, I am so f*ing pissed!

My neighbor was playing music REALLY loud. The type of loud that our walls were rattling from the vibrations of the music while I was in bed. So loud you could sing along because the words were so damn clear. This was nothing new.

We’ve lived in a rowhome beside a bar for the past 13 years in Baltimore. We have spent many of those years trying to work out a balance with how loud they play music. Even involving outside authorities. Plus, we’ve learned how to set boundaries on our end with noise-canceling machines.

But like clockwork, every few months, we need to have a conversation about it because those boundaries are inevitably broken.

And we have learned that we can usually work it out. But this time, I was at my limit.

I thought…I don’t have the energy for you today.

You see, I was super stressed and overwhelmed for the week leading up to this moment. We had been going through some peak levels of family trauma. I felt like I was going crazy, and the music pushed me over the edge.

Part of me wanted to wait to text him because the next day, the problem would be solved with us leaving the city and heading to our tiny home in the mountains.

I was eager to trade the Baltimore city soundtrack of sirens, honking, drunk people yelling, the bar’s music for birdsongs, the gentle whisper of the wind, and the utter joy of complete silence.

But my ego told me that I could NOT wait. I was so pissed, so I sent off an angry text.

I didn’t get a response… but that music was lowered.

Hey, I guess that worked!

But a few days later, while immersed in the sounds of the mountains, MaryBeth and I had a conversation about it.

I was feeling bad and remorseful.

She helped me see that what made me so upset with our neighbor was simply a reflection of a similar pattern of what I was upset about with myself.

Oh shit…

She helped me see how, in my version, I was my neighbor. And that changed everything.

Since we didn’t have internet or cell reception, the next day, I climbed up a mountain to text my neighbor and apologize.

And guess what? I got a positive response right away!

The energy you get is the energy you give.

If you’re a human, you’ve likely shot off a text or an email before you had the chance to ground in your values.

Here are three lessons I learned that you can use when you think, I don’t have energy for you today:

1. To give and receive are one.

Your energy is like a boomerang. What you put out in the world is what you will receive. So, before sending out a text, having a conversation, or even ruminating about something, ask yourself…Am I operating from love or fear? (hint: anger comes from fear.) The previous time I texted my neighbor about the music, I did it from a place of love, and he responded with love. He apologized and brought us a dozen crabs.🦀 A well-known Baltimore love language. This time, I texted with anger and fear, and that is what I got back. I think it’s fair to say you would rather get love back, too. So own that it that starts with you.

2. What upsets you in life is a mirror of what upsets you about yourself.

You judge yourself more than anyone else. And it’s no fun. So, when you see pieces of yourself that you want to change mirrored back to you by another, it can be triggering.  Get ahead of it and ask yourself…Who frustrates you in life? What are they mirroring back to you that you don’t like about yourself? How could you change and evolve from that awareness? At first, when MaryBeth reflected to me how our neighbor was a mirror to the parts of myself that I disliked and avoided, I was pissed. Oh, hello, ego!

Then I was like, damn. She is right. This reflection helped me activate my values of empathy and compassion not only for my neighbor but also for myself. It gave me an awareness of how I can grow and evolve.

As I thought about it, I trust the universe had us live next to each other so that I could learn these lessons I need to grow. I just couldn’t see it before.

3. Take time to respond when you are feeling upset.

It’s never a good idea to respond to someone when you are angry or upset. You know what I am talking about? Someone or something pisses you off. You respond. Then you cool down and think, “I wish I didn’t do that.”It’s okay. You have permission to be human. Forgive yourself. So next time you are feeling upset and need to respond to someone. Take some time to cool down first. What self-care practices could you tap into? You might go for a walk. Take some deep breaths. Or even just wait to respond later until you feel back to your normal self. You might even just need to tell the person, “Hey, I’d love to talk about this, but I don’t have the capacity right now. Can we revisit this later?”Set good boundaries with yourself and consider the energy you want to put into the world.

So, how will you respond the next time you get upset and think, “I don’t have the energy for you today.”

Remember, learning lessons takes practice.

And it takes giving yourself and others permission to be human along the way.

When you are ready, here are three ways I can help you.

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